Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
