Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
