If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
