i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
