Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm at about main and main street
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
