Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
