My pussy is not your playground.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
