moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
