Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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