Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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