I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
