Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
