I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
