So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
