It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
