I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
