btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
