since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
