i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
