You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
