It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize