i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
