Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
