My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
