way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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