i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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