Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
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so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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