Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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