Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
