There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
