Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
