Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
