Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
last night I used snow as a chaser
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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