i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
