paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
