I'm so fucking centered right now
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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