I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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