Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
