im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
