The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
