i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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