I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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