Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
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Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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