this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
