love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
