I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
