at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
