He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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