So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
