R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
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Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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