Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
