grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
