i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
