I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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