she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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