Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
