I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
