I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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