I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
