So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
