Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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