It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
